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Here I am. Elijah Longwell, a different man than I was before.
A little over a year ago I started this blog. Sure, I started strong, but I feel as if after a while I gave up. Well, here I am.
When I sat down and opened up my computer I remembered something. A simple phrase popped into my head. ”Irrevocable Identity.” Instantly I thought back to a year ago when I started this blog. A year ago I was a senior in high school just about to graduate. I was on top of the world and had all of these ideas about what the next couple years would be like. I had all the right intentions, but I had no idea what was in store for me. I look back now and I see a different life.
This past year has grown me in lots of different ways. Some good, some bad. I’ve had a lot of good experiences, but also a lot of bad. I’ve met a lot of people. Some have helped keep me on a straight path, others have pulled me off of it. A lot of decisions were made, some were productive and some were destructive. I don’t regret any of the bad things simply because through them I have learned so much. I am still learning more about myself, this life, and most importantly my Savior, Jesus Christ.
The truth is before making the transition out into the real world I wasn’t prepared to deal with most of the things that this world was ready to throw at me. Over the course of the last 12 months I’ve hit spiritual lows that I never thought i’d reach, but I always made sure that no one knew. Doubt consumed me. Keeping to myself was one of the worst mistakes I made. Even before that I had a horrible time struggling (and still do) with how turned off so many people were to God. College is a different world. People come from all over the world with thousands of different beliefs and ideas. I still have trouble with the idea that some are so turned off by our God.
Here’s the thing. One year later and I still stand by my statement. ”To me, identity consists of my relationship to my everlasting God, and it is unchangeable, it is certain, and it is Irrevocable!” - Irrevocable Identity’s meaning. (To me at least) I still believe with all my heart that through God I am the same person as I was a year ago. I have gone through personal trials and tribulations, but on the other side of the tunnel I am the same (if not stronger) man through Christ as I was before. On the outside, I have changed. At points I may have thought that I changed in the inside also, but in the end I am a Christian and that will never change.
I would be lying to say that I don’t struggle with anything. I do. My struggles are nowhere near over, but I do have hope and forgiveness. I have friends who support me. I have a loving God who paid the ultimate price for me. Those are the things that make a difference. Without those things, without those people, without my God I am lost. With him I am found.
The phrase, “There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.” has never meant more to me than now. One of my favorite bands Anberlin recently released an album titled “Dark is the way, Light is the place.” When that and the thought of the light at the end of the tunnel came together I realized that while we are to be lights of God, we must go through the darkness to get to the ultimate light. We all have to go through our darkness, but in the end we will come out into the light and it will be a light like no other!
I guess i’m kind of jumping around a bit, but i’m really just writing my thoughts as they come to me. (I encourage everyone to try it too! Maybe not in public like this, but even private writing helps things!)
I started this post with a passage in Romans in mind. In Romans 7 Paul discusses struggling with sin. Starting at verse 14;
14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
This passage really spoke to me. To think that my struggles are nothing new, that people have struggled with the same sins I have for thousands of years is a pretty crazy idea. Verse 15 and 21-25 really stand out to me. This connection to life is amazing. I have the exact same responses, “I know this is sinful so why do I keep doing it?!” ”I want to do good instead of commit sin, so why do I keep doing wrong?!” This book we have is more than a book. It is a life, and it is the word. The one thing I never realized until I read this passage is how real it is. Maybe I’m reading the text out of context, I don’t know, all I know is I try to read contextually. Even if it is though, I have no doubt that God uses his word to impact each and everyone of us differently. I’m so glad I’m finally diving into it for real.
Again, I’m all over the place tonight, but it’s all good. =) I’ve found my way back to the light and that’s all that really matters. This website is an extension of myself. I use it to talk about God and my experiences both good and bad. I may not be very consistant with posting, but I try. Hopefully this time I can actually begin writing, but I make no promises.
Anyways, thank you for reading. =)
Love,
Elijah Longwell
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“Without a struggle, there can be no progress.” -Frederick Douglass
